killing me softly with his songs

2011-05-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

day one without love

well i guess the first day is always the most difficult day?

no actually it should be when i first heard the news, that night was totally torturous!

i couldn't get any sleep till like morning 5plus?

it's just too much for me to accept

i can't close my eyes without seeing your face and that scene is so heart wrenching.

and to top it off, it was our second month.

thinking back, feels so contradicting when i said happy second month baby!

it was like a total opposite? hais T.T

well the official first day, i woke up around 2:30 in the afternoon.

i think i was awaken by some negative thoughts?

i can't remember exactly what, all i remember is i woke up feeling very very sad

and all that's going through my mind is that he can't be around for me anymore for a long long god damn LONG TIME!!!

and that thought is seriously killing me!

sorry it's not a thought, it's a F.A.C.T

@#$?!*&!@!#!@$(!@#$!

wtf why am i so unlucky?!

but i love him too much to let go off him now, i really hope i can survive that one year with the same feelings for him

anyway, i called rachel darling for awhile to chat so as to make myself feel better and indeed i did, thanks darling girl (:

after that i went out to meet jilljill to do our manicure and pedicure.

in between when i see her texting her boyfie, i'll miss mine and feel alittle down

but i guess i managed to throw that emotion to the back of my mind

but when we were having dinner at cafe cartel i can't resist the temptation and texted you

in the end all i get was disappointment and a very dejected feeling

thanks to the reply i'm busy.

it just send tears down my cheek

i can't help it

i can't cope with the sudden 360 degree change!

from yes baby, give me a min i'll call you when i'm done alright? to i'm busy.

how am i supposed to get used to such cold replies from you

and maintain the feelings we have and sustain our relationship for a year?!

i don't know about you, but i seriously find it soooooooo freaking difficult!

you won't understand how i felt when i receive such smses from you

how hurtful those words are

多的是你不知道的事

luckily, things got a little better later when you texted me again.

when we had the little chat with more words

but the one message that really made my day was the one when i asked you about going out to drink with darius, your reply made me feel loved(:

"only you and him? seriously i can't say much. you should know what i mean"

yes baby of course i know what you mean(:

i love you so much!

jill came over to my house to accompany me for the night

which felt so much better

at least it kept me from all those unnecessary thoughts

and and we talked on the phone for awhile! hehehe!

baby, do you know there's actually another message that made me feel like you're still my baby boy without any changes.

"suddenly woke up de. going back to sleep now. then you still don't want to sleep?"

cause that's like almost 5 in the morning already, your little concern makes me feel very happy already. it's like the old saying, behind every dark clouds there'll be a silver lining.

had a nice chat with jilljill till 7am in the morning i think

which actually made me feel even more proud of my babyboy

i've got the best boyfriend in the world(:

although he can't be around now ):

2011-01-01T11:25:00.001-08:00

it's really weird times passes so quickly

it's like every start of the year you'll feel like urgh i bet this year is gonna pass damn slow!
but *poof* one year passed just like that! lol

isn't it funny?

so many things happened this year

i guess i could say i really lived my life like a drama this year

i've experience every single emotion to the max

the saddest moment, the happy moments, all the ups and downs in life

hopefully all that just made me stronger

before starting 2011, i got one last goodbye to say

and that is to the guy that i once loved most, haroy soh

if not for the photos that we've took together i'll find it so hard to believe that we were once an item and so much in love with each other

it's all like a dream to me now

although happiness doesn't last but thanks for giving me the sweetest 2 months in my life.

when we got together, i thought fairytales prolly do exist? haha silly me

like i've always said when your eye candy becomes your boyfriend, its like a dream come true

that's exactly what i felt back then

but clearly not anymore(:

reality slapped me hard(and i mean really hard) in the face when we broke up

i no longer believe in prince charming or happily ever after anymore

even though i would really want it to happen

thanks for being such a bastard to wake me up to reality

so now i don't believe in guys that much anymore

you've made me grown stronger

and now that i believe i'm totally over you

i'm glad to say goodbye haroy!

goodbye to the cause of all my tears and sorrow!

you'll be gone with 2010 and my new year would definitely be a better one without you!

can't wait! :D

alright! before proceeding to 2011 i've got some recent happy memories that i'll want to remember for the rest of my life too!

CHRISTMAS 2010!

i've had a great time cam-whoring with my little cutie pie cousin kaikai

on christmas day itself we went over to my cousin's condo to celebrate with my mumsy's side relatives, but actually most of the time we were just snapping photos haha!

especially my sister and i

oooh! and there's a surprise lucky draw gift at the end too! haha

they must be damn rich luh!

my cousin paid for the catering, provide the place and even presents just for us!

property agent is such a good income job eh?

and of course my sisters gift exchange on the 26/12

whenever i'm out with them they never fails to make it a good one

which involves lots of laughing! LOL

after a scrumptious dinner at 北上川 steamboat we went to the take a walk at RWS and along universal studio to cam whore and finally settled down at coffeebean to chill

and exchange christmas gifts! :D

i seriously love them uber lots!

and i got a feeling that we'll stick with each other for at least another 20 years

we've promised to go market or ntuc to buy veg together in future when we become

housewives! HAHAHA!

♥♥♥

2010-12-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

these few days i was watching this hongkong drama called 谈情说案

it's a very nice show

it's been some time since a show could really move me to tears

or maybe because this time the scenario is really something that i could relate to

looking at her it's like looking at myself in the past

refreshing my feelings and memories

from the way they broke up, the reason of the broke up, the aftermath of it

everything everything just reminds me of him

and how happily in love he is now

i'm happy for him, really

i was wondering why would i still feel so down after so long

i believe it's almost half a year since we broke up already

i should be over him long ago

why would i still be so affected when i watch this show?

i really don't know what am i crying for these 2 nights

what am i sad over!!

i hate this feeling

is it really so difficult to find someone that loves me as much as i love him

someone that would appreciate me and treat me well

so that when i treat him well, he won't feel stress and use that as a reason to break up!

i think it's really time to change a working environment

i don't know how long more i can take working with them

seeing them together

i hate myself for being so weak

why can't i be stronger like the girl in the show

maybe things would have been different

2010-08-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

finally after almost 3 weeks, i see you again.

i guess i still need more time away from you?

i'm still kind of affected by you

the first day was still alright, i realised i didn't really care about your presence that much.

but the second day was abit more tough

cause you actually came over and talk to me yourself

i've already did my part and tried to ignore you, treating you like you're invisible

smiling and talking to everyone except you.

but you blew it, you came over yourself!

i was damn shocked can?

i was busy arranging the brochures at one corner myself then suddenly

somebody talked to me from behind

*excuse me*

so i turned around and said yes? thinking it was a customer

and you laughed so happily

your smile is still so attractive

never would i have thought that it would be you

i really don't understand you, i don't know what you are thinking

what you did makes me feel like we're still together or at least on good terms

playing around with each other like nothing has happened before

baby you're still so cute

after this how do you want me treat you as an invisible person?!

you've already made me notice you

like your way of saying hello to me

i really miss those happy times we had last time

playing around disturbing each other, having lunch together during work, waiting for you to end work and go have supper together at sunshine place and walking me home after that.

all those simple things yet so blissful

baby you liar, you said we can meet anytime because we're still friends

but no i don't feel that way.

i really don't know what is going through your mind at all

sometimes you make me feel as though we're still on good terms

but sometimes we're like total stranger with no contact at all

you make me feel like i shouldn't cling onto you anymore even as friends

like you don't give a damn about me

what's wrong with you?

or is it my fault?

after sunday i really feel like contacting you

be it sms wise or calling you

but i know i shouldn't do that anymore

i promised myself that i won't contact you myself anymore

i don't want you to think that i'm irritating

i don't wanna be like the other girls around you

see you in 5days time

i miss you baby

2010-08-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

after so long why haven't i got over you?

though things are much better already

i don't cry so much at night now

but i still think of you every now and then

but i'm facing the fact instead

like the fact that you broke up with me not because of any other reason but because you don't love me anymore.

do you know how much courage i need to accept this fact?

so many different lies i've heard from others

i really wanna believe them all

but if it's not the truth why lie baby?

is it really like what rachel say

you only said all these to make yourself look better in the break up?

i've never wanna believe this but it seems like that's the ugly truth

baby i don't wanna contact you anymore

i really have to refrain myself from calling you or texting you already.

i cannot believe we actually reached the stage where by i don't know what to talk to you about anymore, when i called you that day seriously i really hoped i did not do that.

in that case i wouldn't realise this!

it sucks to end up like that

when we used to have never ending topics to talk about and now i can't even hold a conversation more than 2mins with you.

i really wonder how long more is this is gonna continue

not going to work for 2 weeks is a wise choice i guess

i think my wounds are healing already

as long as nothing drastic happens

like you have a new girlfriend already etc

i really cannot imagine one day i login to facebook and i see

haroy soh is in a relationship with blah blah blah

i think i'll go crazy? haha

that day your msn pm is already killing me!

what i love you it's not for others to see, are you telling me that you are in love with someone else already?! baby i know i have no rights to stop you but it's only been 2 months!

i cannot take it!

oh god help me get over him please!

i don't wanna wash my face with tears because of him anymore!

i think it's enough tears shed for the same reason

please speed up the recovery process!!

i'm dying here

2010-07-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

our supposedly

happy 4th month baby

2010-07-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

recently, my feelings are very mixed up.

i'm feeling very confused, unsure of what i want now

i feel like i've slowly slowly let go of him

like holding sand in my hands

letting go bit by bit through the gaps between my fingers.

this should be a good sign right?

but how come i don't feel happy at all?

able to let go of the pain in my heart

allowing the wounds to heal should be something good

something that can make me smile

but that's not the case

i don't want to lose the feelings i have for him

i want to drown myself in the sorrow of losing him

haha i must be mad to have such thinkings

i don't want

i feel very guilty to be feeling this way, like it's a crime to stop loving you baby.

i really wonder how will things be for us in future?

i find it difficult to be friends with you

i guess you must be feeling this way too.

it's still awkward to talk face to face at work yea?

i can sense you avoiding me all the time

so you should be glad that you won't be seeing me for 2 weeks close to 3 weeks

i don't know why the hell would i accept that lousy job

but i guess i was still hoping that you'll somehow miss me if you don't see me for a period of time

then maybe you'll contact me yourself?

i was hoping for that

silly me

baby you liar, you said we can meet anytime but up till now i think i've asked you twice but you weren't free on both days

so much for your anytime

and i still haven't take a ride in your new car!

i wonder how many girls have already done that

i'm so jealous of your future girlfriend ):

i wonder who will that lucky girl be?

2010-07-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

this few days have been rather peaceful or i should say rather busy

it's good to have programs everyday

so as to keep myself busy and my mind off things that shouldn't bother me

let's see

i've watched 9 temples on tuesday and despicable me(3D) on friday!

supposingly should be watching inception today

which means 3 movies in a week! (without spending a single cent)

isn't it awesome?!

hahaha

but sadly i seriously overslept today so couldn't make it for the date today

sorry darius!

but yesterday i enjoyed myself alot too!

initially we planned to go clubbing but we reached a tad too late so we decided to train down to cine to sing k instead.

k happy is seriously damn ex can?! $37 nett though you can sing till 6am with 2 drinks but still

it burned a huge hole in my wallet!

i went home without a single cent ):

but once in a while alright la teeheeXD!

oh oh oh! and yesterday was like one of my greatest achievement

we walked ALLLL the way from cine to cityhall (funan IT mall there) to clarke quay to raffles and finally neil rd there

i think we walked for like 1 and a half hours hahaha

now i have like blisters on both my big toe thanks to the heels i'm wearing -.-

but it's still fun!

singapore is really small man!

it's interesting how the places are linked in a walkable distance lol

friday when i took nr3 home alone cause stupid justin don't stay at cck

i alighted at sunshine place as i didn't wanna wait for the bus to go around yewtee

when the bus passed by sunshine place a wave of sadness overwhelmed me again

looking at the table that we always sat at, you eating your chicken fried rice plus egg happily

that's like a weekly routine already

at least once a week we'll be there for supper after work ordering the exact same thing

it's becoming a habit that i don't wanna kick.

baby do you know how i felt when i was walking home alone from sunshine that day?

worse still the mp3 i'm listening suddenly played the song that we once sang together

男人女人

maybe it doesn't mean anything to you when you were singing it

but to me it's like a promise that you'll be true to me forever and never to hurt me you know

that road home used to be very long to me

but because of you the distance was never a matter

instead i often hope that the road could be longer so that we can spend more time together

holding your hand longer

looking at your face your smile longer

enjoying your companion longer

now i'm back alone, all by myself again

it seems like forever to walk home

it seriously sucks not having you by my side

i know i must get used to it, i guess i was too dependent on you in the past

that's why it's taking me so long to get over you

after 2 months of 2 people's happiness, i need to start searching for one person's happiness again.

why bring me up so high and end up throwing me down so deep

i never knew i could love someone so much until you came by and steal my heart away

like my sister say, this must be karma

i used to hurt others in relationships, the evil one that breaks people's heart

that's why now this is happening to me, i got ditched and hurt so deeply.

just 2 short months and there's like so many memories between us

all the memories are like scars on my heart

everytime i pass by one it'll be like pouring salt on my wound

the pain you inflict on me, never healing.

2010-07-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

after so long we finally talked today

your attitude finally changed

you finally smiled when you talk to me

but as typical human's heart, i don't know if i should be happy or not?

since i've always wanted to remain as friends with you after we broke up

so isn't this what i wanted?

why am i still feeling so hurt deep down?

i really don't know what am i still expecting from you

it's been 1 month and 12days already

what can i still ask from you?

you should have long gotten over me since i'm nothing to you

don't tell me i'm still hoping that you still love me and that you will still want me back now

when i saw the way you can talk to me and not avoid me anymore, i believe you must have let go and move on already.

that's why you can talk to me normally now

we are truely friends now

this is what i wanted

friends

me and you, FRIENDS

NO THAT'S NOT WHAT MY HEART TRUELY WISH FOR!

i've always hope that we would still have the chance to get back together even up till now

even if i know in the end we would still break up at least i would be able to be happy for a few more months.

baby do you know when i saw you and talked to you today

i feel like a stranger already

there's so much changes about you and your life that i didn't know

all these are the little things that i would love to know

when i saw your new wallet today i wanted so much to ask you what did you do to our polariod photo that was once in your old wallet.

did you throw it away like how you threw our ring away?

everytime i think of where our ring is now, my tears would just start to dwell in my eyes again.

i can't help it that's my only regret

why did i leave my ring at your house

if only i remembered to wear it back before we leave house for our last date at bishan j8

with baby yaya.

i would be able to keep my most precious memory.

the ring is like the best thing you ever gave me

it's not about the price the looks or whatever but the promise and meaning behind it.

everytime i think of that i really don't understand how can a person's heart change so fast

without any warning?

unless you're telling me that everything that you once told me are fake

forget it, i don't wanna know

even if it's fake please don't let me know

you've already take away my happiness and future

please don't take away my precious memories as well

haha i didn't know i can still cry until like that up till now

i didn't know i have so much tears categorized under haroy soh

and i wonder how much more is left?

i got to start to pyscho myself to give up again

the first few weeks i really managed to somehow convinced myself to give up

you'll never return to me anymore

and i don't know since when my hopes came back to me

giving me the courage to fight for my own happiness again

although i know there won't be any changes

i guess i'm hoping for a miracle?

i actually made a wish yesterday night when i saw my phone time 11.11

i heard that you can make a wish if you see 11.11 and it'll come true

i'm so excited when i saw that yesterday

i hope my wish would really come true

i could really use a miracle now

sadly, i still love you baby

ps: baby, you look really cute with specs(:

2010-07-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

it's been sometime since i blog again.

that's a good thing though

it means that this few days i'm alright

but today i'm back to blog again

thanks to shane lim, thanks to her constant reminder of how lonely it is to be alone

kept boasting to me how 幸福 she is with her abe tan

how i don't have someone to love me anymore

how i don't have someone to ask me to be careful when it's raining anymore

how i don't have a boyfriend to cook 爱心早餐 for me anymore

how it sucks to not have the person you love beside you anymore.

although i know she's just kidding, she mean no harm

but it really sets me thinking again

making me miss you again

thinking about our past

though it's only 2 months

remember that time when you cooked fried rice for me for the first time

and you actually cut your finger

it bled so much, make me so 心痛

and on the first day of school when you came and fetch me at woodlands back to your house

it started raining when we reach sembawang and both of us have no umbrella

so you cover me with my cardigan and we ran to your house haha

at that moment i really feel very blissed

i bet you don't know

but now it won't happen anymore

i'm all by myself now

no one to do that to me anymore

no one to protect me anymore

no one for me to love anymore

it's been 36days already, one month and 6days.

i know it's long over between us, i told myself to give up already since one week after our breakup.

i tried, i really tried to do it.

but everytime i see those things that we've done together before or things that you like

it just brings back all those sweet memories which make it so hard to let you go.

it's been 3 weeks since i last saw you

until saturday when i see you at work

you look so different already

you cut your hair again

and you seems like your lost weight, is it because of your wisdom tooth?

i keep having the urge to talk to you at work but i don't have the guts to do it

actually i know i should have gave up long ago and move on

candy always ask me the same question everytime she sees me.

candy would ask, so how you and him? patch back yet?

and everytime i would answer her the same thing as well

how i wish i could have a different answer too

but what else does she expect?

i always tell her nope, no chance de la, it's already been so long, we won't get back together anymore.

then she'll say, it's only one month how you know no chance already?

like what you want me to do?

but everytime i hear that i would somehow feel hope again

stop giving me false hope!

i know it's over it's over it's over!

i'm already trying so hard to get used to this fact now

don't give me anymore hope

baby your sudden message that day did the same thing.

i realised that message really set a great impact on me

but after the short text message conversation after work that day

i think alot and i made up my mind

i cannot text you anymore

i cannot contact you anymore

i really have to refrain from talking to you already

no matter how much i want to.

if not i'll never get out of this pain

although i really don't bear to lose contact with you

but i really cannot continue like that

i will still have to move on with my life

but no matter what you'll still live in my memories

i'll leave with the memories you gave me

i never hated you for leaving me

instead, i'm lucky at least i had you in my life before

and thanks to you, i have so many happy memories

at least i was really happy for that 2 months

thank you baby.

although the people around kept telling me how bastard you are and stuffs

but that's because they never saw the good side of you

they'll never understand how i feel for you

男人的好只有在他身边的那个女人才知道

而我曾经当过你身边的那个女人, 所以我知道.

也只有我明白你的好,你真的是一个好男朋友.

所以你那时说的那个理由根本就是你想太多

你没有不好, 是我没有福气做你身边的那个女人

我真的很爱你

你说我对你太好所以压力,我也只是想对我爱的人好一点

因为失去过所以知道要珍惜

因为不想再失去所以对你加倍的好,却没想到却也因为这个原因让我再次失去你.

但我知道这次已经不像上次那样了, 我们真的结束了.

因为爱你,我会放你走.

再见了我的爱人

再见我的爱

haroy soh yu shi

2010-06-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

30th july

our supposedly happy 3rd month haroy soh

well this day started off in a good way i guess, somehow

when i just woke up this afternoon i saw your message

i'm super shocked when i saw it

1 new message

haroy starhub

1.38pm

the moment i saw it i'm totally awake

i don't remember smsing you

after reading your message, i really don't know how to think

it's like a mixture of feelings

really happy that you actually bothered to clarify and explain to me.

but on the other hand it means you read my blog already

i really didn't expect you to do that

which means you knew everything that i feel inside

how am i supposed to reply your message now

i've been thinking the whole day

i really want to reply you badly

but i just can't think of the perfect reply

what should i reply?

should i act blur like huh?

or should i say oh you read my blog, sorry i mistaken you.

i don't dare! i seriously don't dare to reply you!!

what if the wrong reply make you pissed off and push you further away from me again?

i didn't ignore you on purpose my dear

you know i'll never do that to you

because you taught me 将心比心

if i were you, after sending that message to you, i would definitely hope that you'll reply

although i don't know if you're waiting for my reply

like the way i think you will if i were you

but i doubt so.

yesterday i met a weird person under my block

he's really very scary kept talking to me

those kind like not in the right mind

he seriously freak me out when we took the lift together

at that moment i thought of you

if only you were here with me

i know everything would be fine, you will definitely protect me, keep me safe.

i wanted to call you but i know you won't answer my calls anymore.

even if i really called and you answered

i don't think i'll dare to tell you, if i were to hear that cold voice of yours at that moment i'll definitely break down

with that thought in mind, i put down the phone.

baby, i really dread this day

everytime i see the date today, it just makes me feel very sad

i went swimming with hanhan today

in the past if you know that i went swimming you should be very glad

i went to exercise! haha

and after swimming i would report to you immediately, feeling proud of myself!

and if it's today, i believe the person swimming with me would not be hanhan

it should be you instead.

remember we were talking about going swimming together one day?

we have not done that

and we'll never get to do that now

there's so many things that we have yet done together.

but i'll never get the chance to do it anymore

today is supposedly a day worth celebrating for

but from now on it's such a torture to even think about the date.

all the hurt happened on this date

30/05 is the first time

followed by 30/06

now one more month had pass, yet it's no better.

baby i think this 30th is a bad day to get together!

maybe we should have waited like one more day make it the 31st instead

hahaha

today's blog is not exactly that sad

because at least i have one message that seriously made my day

i kept reading that message every now and then today

the thought that you actually bothered to explain things to me really made me smile(:

thank you baby

seriously, thank you for doing that!

2010-06-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

2 more days to our supposedly 3rd month anniversary

i really don't know what i'm thinking about this few days

it seems like i'm starting to harbor hope for you again

based on what, i have no idea!

i should have gave you up already

seriously

but instead, i've been messaging you more and more often recently

thinking of you more and more

what was i expecting? you to still have feelings for me?

i should have known right, nothing is left for me

you might already have a new girl in your life.

the one that you went for dinner with

jaime macthierman

i might be over sensitive, she might just be a normal friend

but your comment just now just made me break down

Haroy 于溮

Evil Jaime. Lol. 2 more yr your turn.

i don't know why, to others it might be just another comment but it just feels very different to me, she don't seem like just a friend to you, more like someone you're interested in.

who knows she may be the new girl in your life

but so what even if that's the case i can't do anything

i don't have the rights to be jealous or stop you or what

there's nothing i can do

you're not mine anymore, haroy soh no longer belongs to cherie lim.

and that's full stop. final.

you have all the rights to find a new girl to take my place

but why do my heart still hurt so much?

it's been 29days since our breakup

it seems like it's really quite some time since we're both single

but why can't i get over yet?

this is like the longest time i took to heal from a heartache

and i don't know how long more i need to reach the stage where i won't be sad whenever i think of you.

我不是你想象中的那么勇敢

i'm still very easily affected by every little thing you do

it could make my mind run wild

i'm like going crazy man! having constant mood swing

one minute i can be very happy but the next minute i thought of you again i'll be damn sad

sometimes i feel very bad when i'm out with my friends

like i'm always the mood spoiler

i really don't want it to happen but i can't help it.

baby, i really miss that joker side of you.

forever making me laugh, forever so cute

maybe that is why that little comment affected me that much

that used to be how you talk to me a month ago

but now your attitude seems so cold

it hurts everytime i message you

however i'm like an idiot, even though i know i shouldn't do this it'll hurt me if i text you

but i just can't imagine myself not in contact with you anymore

so i rather hurt myself then to lose contact with you.

i really don't know what to do now

i can't imagine seeing you holding another girl's hand

i can't imagine you attached to another person

there's so many things that i know i should do

so many facts that i know

but i don't know how to convince my heart to do what i know

i can't bring myself to take out our photo from my wallet yet

everytime i open my wallet to take a card i'll see our smiling faces, how 幸福 we used to be

my sisters kept asking me to take it out

it's time to change already

but i really don't bear to do that

i already lose our ring

the ring that symbolizes our love, our relationship

although these are very superficial things but to me they are very significant things

they are like a form of assurance to me.

if i were to take out the photo it seriously marks the end to our connection

which i really don't want that to happen

the day i take the photo out will be the day i really gave you up and move on.

if all these did not happen, i would have been happily thinking of what to do on wednesday

what to wear on that day

where to go

busy designing and writing my card

preparing surprises

but all these won't happen anymore

there won't be a day for me to look forward to every month now

this thought really saddens me

i really had enough of washing my face with tears because of you my dear

what spell did you cast on me?

that made me fell so deeply in love with you

so much so that i find it so difficult to not have you by my side.

i know it's tough on you now because of that two wisdom tooth.

do you know how much i want to go to your house now to take care of you

to help you change your cotton bud every now and then

do whatever i can to make you feel better

but i don't get the chance to do that anymore

the one person's concern that you want should not be me anymore.

tonight's gonna be a long torturous night again.

tomorrow night i'm going to stay over at hanhan's house

so i guess it would be much better

can't wait for that to happen

alright, i shall stop here

feel much better after crying my heart out and writing everything i feel.

i miss you baby

2010-06-25T03:01:00.000-07:00

yesterday i heard the saddest thing in my life

ME: will you be at home today?

HIM: no, out with friends

ME: cannot talk still can go out arh? anyway i want my ring! is it still with you?

HIM: i think, no

ME: you threw it away?

HIM: ya lol

' ya lol ' what the hell?! how could he, seriously why did he do that?

baby, even if you don't love me anymore but do you have to go to that extent?

do you know how much it hurts me when i know that?

don't you think you went overboard?

seriously, that ring meant alot to me do you know?

i know it mean nothing to you now, but it used to be my everything.

it contains all the promises you gave me, it once represent your love for me and how you were once mine even though it doesn't exist now. no matter what you shouldn't have threw it away

you gave it to me, it's mine already

how could you throw away my things without my permission?

i really hope you are lying this time

cause i really don't wish to see something i treasure so much ending up in the rubbish bin.

even if that's the case, if i knew where i can find it back i'll definitely get it back at any cost

i know you have got over everything and moved on

i shouldn't disturb your life anymore

but i can't help it

sorry baby

tonight i'm going out with another guy

i really don't wanna have another guy, cause i know nobody can replace you in my heart

at least for now, you're still my everything

there's no space in my heart for anyone else

i want nobody but you

but i also know that no matter what time wouldn't turn back for me

so this will never happen, i have to move on as well

so i'm going to prepare now

prepare myself for another guy

having this thought in mind i really don't know how to do it

i wonder how you actually do it?

how come you can get over so quickly and go out with another girl.

i really don't understand

do you still love me when we broke up?

is it really because of all those stress that you are facing that's why we broke up or just purely because you don't love me anymore and you are sick of me, time to get a new one.

i really wanna hear all these from you

when will you ever tell me?

when are you going to stop hiding from me haroy soh?

2010-06-22T05:59:00.001-07:00

today i went to kbox @ amk with joey shaney and hilary

it's the outlet which we went to celebrate your birthday this year

so many memories flashed back in my mind today.

when i'm the cab there looking out at the sceneries and roads it reminds me of you as well

we've drive pass this place before

2 months back we were so happily in love

happily singing songs in the van commenting on all the little things we saw on the road

laughing together, searching for the right way there.

i really miss you baby!

i thought i've been doing a very good job recently, everybody around me have been telling me that i look very happy, seems like i'm not that sad over you afterall.

i thought so too

but when i reached home today i realised i can't do anything properly

i seriously have no mood at all

i hate it when i can't sleep even though i freaking tired

these are signs of you invading my mind!

everytime i think of you, whenever i'm missing you can't get to sleep at all

since the breakup i don't have the courage to look at our photos in the past

all your messages

but today when i'm on the way home, i finally found the courage to do so

do you know how much i wanted to alight at sembawang when i passed by the stop just now?

i really miss you so badly, but i know that nothing's gonna change anymore

who know's you already found someone new

darling i really wanna be back in your arms, in your heart

how could someone change so fast?

i really can't believe it

2 months ago you were so sweet and everything but now you could be so cold towards me

when can i totally let go of you and move on?

i really don't know

but if i have a chance to choose to be with you for a longer time but get hurt even more when we broke up eventually i would choose that!

it's been 23days since we broke up already

but whenever i think back everything still seems like yesterday.

all those sweet nothings

till now i'm just left with those memories

like an empty shell

from now on i'm alone, there won't be a haroy soh here to hold my hands

there won't a haroy soh to hug me when i needed

i'm left with nothing

tears just kept rolling down my cheeks

it's been some time since i last cried so hard for you

so much so that i thought i'm really that strong, that maybe i could really live without you in my life

but today i guess there's just too many things that reminds me of you

that triggered this emotional outburst

especially at night when nobody's at home

do you know how lonely i feel, do you know how much i need you by my side now

even if it's just your voice

i really wanna hear the voice that ask told me he loved me, the voice that promised that he'll never break my heart ever, the voice that promised to give me happiness.

but i'll hear that gentle voice anymore

although recently there's alot of guys beside me, so many new guys that wanted to date me

but you know, there's only one person that i want

can i trade all of them just for you, haroy soh yu shi?

my heart still belongs to you

remember the song that you used to sing to me?

' nothing's gonna change my love for you, you ought to know by now how much i love you.

one thing you can be sure of, i'll never ask for more than your love...'

i can't listen to this song anymore do you know

this is like the one of the songs that will create the most pain.

today i heard this song, pass by your station, went to the kbox outlet that we went before in the past, walked by amk hub where we dated there before...

so many bitter sweet memories came back

baby, i still love you

baby i miss you dearly

baby can i still wait for you to come back?

人行道没有行人走过
镜子里的我很不像我
自从你离开了我变得很软弱
你的影子在每一个角落
好像是在提醒着我
少了你的陪伴我现在有多寂寞
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温热我
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺
爱情怎么会是这个结果
叶子在窗外轻轻摇动
人行道没有行人走过
镜子里的我很不像我
自从你离开了我变得很软弱
你的影子在每一个角落
好像是在提醒着我
少了你的陪伴我现在有多寂寞
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
感觉如果要走谁能说NO
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺
爱情是个梦而我睡过头

2010-06-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

i really don't understand this!

and THIS totally spoiled my mood for today

i thought family members are supposed to stand by you no matter what happen

hoping that you are happy all the time?

true enough when i was sad over him, when i cried at home over him

they are there to comfort me

telling me it's not worth to be sad over such a guy

i'm very thankful for that

19days have passed

this few days i'm feeling slightly better

i knew someone that's keeping my mind of him, a friend that's keeping me entertained

making me happy when i'm thinking of sad stuffs

thus i'm more smiley now

when they see me like this shouldn't they be happy that i've found my way to be happy?

but i'm wrong!

when they saw me like that, they actually thought that me being so sad over him all these while was just an act, everything's fake, i'm actually happier being single.

i hate such accusations!

so what exactly do you want? how long do you want me to cry?

how long do you want me to be emo?

when i cry you say i'm stupid to cry over him, cheer up there's always a better guy waiting for you out there.

but when i'm finally feeling better, you say i'm just putting up a show that i'm sad over him.

damn it man!

2010-06-16T01:50:00.001-07:00

Recently so many things have happened

good and bad

but this month is certainly not a good one for me.

i wonder how long more i'll need to finally get over him

to the point when i think of him i'll not be sad

我一定能学会在想你的时候不难过

this few days i found out some stuffs that really hurt my heart

something that i really never thought of

something that i refuse to believe initially

although till now if i have a choice i would still rather not know

but it seems like i really have to face the reality, the ugly truth

the fact that he haven't forgot his 4years ex all this while even when we're together

baby, remember we talked about this before?

you assured me that she's no longer in your heart and there's only me now.

but it seems like the other way round now.

i feel so dumb to be crying over you now, why must you lie to me?

whenever i think of the fact that here i am crying over you, yet there you are feeling sad over another girl, it just gives me a very betrayed feeling.

do you know how i felt when i saw your conversation with your friend?

you said you were hurt by a girl before, others won't understand your feelings and how hurt you felt back then.

that's why it's like only right that you play with girls now

so am i like one of your victims too?

just your toy to play with when you're bored and when you're sick of it you can just throw me away?

have you ever thought about how others feel when you're doing this?

all you care about is your own feelings, how hurt and betrayed you once felt because of her.

you know how bad it hurts yet you still inflict that same pain on others

what have i done to deserve this?

you use to tell me 将心比心

but have you done that this time?

i really don't wanna hate you, i want to save your perfect image in my heart

and not this bastard you understand?

i really wanna know exactly what's the truth

although it may be meaningless now to you, but i really wanna know

but i doubt this will ever happen, can you not avoid me!

i hate you for doing that

i told myself, i don't wanna drop a single tear for you anymore

i don't wanna feel sad over a bastard like you anymore but do you know how hard it is.

是你找到了我
在我的心中刻下了你的承诺
难道你不遵守
思念纠缠着我
闭上眼我就忘了恨你的理由
想起那些温柔
你为什么放开我的双手
我试着体会生命充满各种苦衷
我在黑暗之中寻找幸福的下落
等待原来那颗流星划过我的天空
总要在说完再见以后才开始明白爱多浓
今晚你想念的人是不是我
因为绝望所以学会祈求
我也不想让心痛对我予取予求
想要爱到最后的最后
想要和你再一次牵手
除非我背叛我的灵魂
除非我可以假装快乐
除非你忍心放我一个人难过
一无所有我的天空
等你回头
我想念的人会不会懂

2010-06-14T02:28:00.000-07:00

as i promised jillDEARIE to post her pretty gebera

here it is! now that she reminded me, it's really been some time since i last received flowers

i think the last time was valentines day i think? lol

so yea, thanks dearie!

it really did perk me up alittle(:

thanks for being here 24/7 for me, really! i know it must be hard on you to see me like that

must be spoiling your mood everytime we go out.

thanks for putting up on me whenever i complain to you, listening to me whine.

i promise i'll be alright as soon as possible!

i love you(:

2010-06-09T02:18:00.000-07:00

the breakfast that you gave up, the sad memories.

2010-06-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

everytime i look at this empty space (a brand new post)

i don't feel like typing anything

i'm afraid of this emptiness, it's like giving out a very sad aura

makes me feel like posting only emo stuffs, can't bring myself to type all those happy things

like very fake like that ):

people often say the best way to heal heartaches is to find another guy, true enough

although it's unfair to the guy but indeed it does help to divert my attention

so much so to an extent that sometimes i don't even know what am i thinking, do i really know who am i talking to?

it's like i mixed up reality and my dreams

that's bad, very bad, i might as well continue to deceive myself further by changing the names to haroy soh

it might not be right but at least all these bad stuffs make me feel happier in a way

i guess that's all that matters at this moment

sorry

anyway, today i think i'm really kind of proud of myself

i finally gave up working at imm for a week to avoid him

i know no matter where i am as long as i'm working i'll think of him.

being able to see the person i love for 10 straight hours is a bliss, going for lunch together and even going home together at times.

but now i know i'm all by myself already, i have to learn to be independent once again.

and i hate that! why must i learn to be independent?

why can't there be someone i can rely on forever?

why can't people just keep their promises?

why bother to give me promises when you don't bother to keep them?

suddenly i feel like i'm riding the spaceshot at genting.

you brought me so high up in the air, making me feel like the most fortunate girl in the world, showering me with all the love and concern

but the next moment before i'm prepared for it, you threw me down all the way to the ground so hard that i'm bruise all over, taking away all the happiness that i thought belonged to me, taking away all the love in my life, do you know how badly you've hurt me?

it's not gonna help with just one sorry.

you can't just throw me away with one sorry but we're not suitable.

all those are just bullshit!

guys being guys are always heartless bastards

no exceptions!

at least up till now all the guys i met are.

after ranting so much, i feel much better, much peaceful in my heart

i guess i'm able to sleep now(:

i think i'm gonna get split personality soon! haha

anyway on a lighter note, i got my pay today!

and it's like a new record for me! hehe

i've never got so much before, so i guess it's time for some serious shopping since it's GSS now!

darlingZHEN, dearieJILL time to go shopping!

oh and not forgetting to thank dearie for that pretty gerbera you bought for me!

will post it's photo in my next entry(:

seriously, i don't know how it would be without the support from all my dearest friends

without you guys i think i wouldn't be back on my feet so fast

your love gave me strength and courage to carry on.

2010-06-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

actually i feel exceptionally calm during this breakup which is weird but at least in a good way

i feel like throwing away my handphone now

i realized that by not looking at it, i won't think of him so much

i'm wondering if i got over him already?

today i woke up at 2.44PM

it's been a long time since i'm able to sleep till so late

i don't know why but the breakup period always takes away my sleeping time

the hardest time to pass is when the sunsets and the sky turns dark.

i dread the night now, when it's dark and quiet, it's the best time to think of him

whenever i see the clock, 10plus 11, my mind would auto pop out a question like as if i set the alarm clock to remind myself that he's ending work already

time to wait for his call

tonight it's different, i'm not at home.

i'm staying over at hanhan's house, so i guess tonight will pass easier for me.

when i'm typing this, he should be on his way home.

i wonder what is he doing this two days, have i ever cross his mind before he sleep?

i doubt so

this thought is so saddening

mummy told me she went to imm yesterday but when she walked by starhub he's not there

he's off day should not be on a monday

but if it really is, then i should be damn sad.

i've always thought that during he's off day it should be the only day that would make him think of me, so if he really loved me he would have contacted me but he didn't.

but it's only the third day since our breakup so i should give him more time.

aiya, all these stuffs are so irritating!

i'll just stop here for tonight before the heartache starts again ):

i miss you baby

2010-05-30T23:19:00.000-07:00

once again i'm here, and the reason why i'm here makes me sick.

i wonder how long will i rely on this place again.

everything's over

once again my dreams are dashed

whatever happiness that once belonged to me was taken away

why must i suffer all these crap again?

i thought it's my fault for not putting in enough effort in my relationship that led to such an ending, but now it's the other way round. you complained that i treated you too well that you felt stress and pressured. actually to me, i seriously think it's kind of ridiculous. i didn't know it's a mistake to be nice to my boyfriend, i didn't know it's wrong to put in effort for my relationship. All i wanted was for you to be happy, because whenever you're happy, it makes me feel happy too. I didn't know what i did, did not make you happy instead it gave you pressure. you won't understand how i feel, because you can't see how precious you are to me, how much i treasure this relationship with you. to me, i don't feel that i really treated you that well, if only you could see yourself in my eyes.

actually i really don't wanna give you up, i don't want you out of my life, but when you said you're tired asking me to leave you alone, i accepted the fact. i don't want you to be angry, i don't wanna upset you. i'm letting you go because i love you baby. no matter how hard it takes i know i can no longer hold on to you anymore, i hope you're happier this way. it's a torture not being able to contact you anymore, i wonder how long can i stand this but i know i have to do it. this time i won't beg you anymore, i know it's pointless, i know you won't turn back anymore. although everybody thinks badly of you, although everybody is telling me that you're not a good guy, that i should just move on without you. but in my heart, you're still the perfect boyfriend from the start. although they say everything you said are all lies to make yourself look like the good guy but i really hope that that's not the fact. i hope our love is not fake, i hope you meant everything you said and do.

every time my phone rings, although i know it won't be you anymore, but deep down i'll still secretly hope that it's you. i know i shouldn't have anymore hopes but i just can't help it, i really don't want this to happen, why must i force myself to let go of something i really want to hold on to. why must you make me suffer so much, why must you write the end to my fairytale. why must you wake me up of my dreams and make me look at the harsh reality? everything happened so sudden, one day ago everything was still perfectly fine and the next moment you broke up with me. i really wonder how you manage all this feelings, how you accepted the sudden changes, or am i really so insignificant to you. i seriously hope you are the kind that will talk to you when problems arise and not run away, whatever that you're unhappy with you could have talk to me about it, things don't have to come to such an extent. maybe if we sat down and talk things out, things would have worked out. but at this stage at this moment, no matter how sad i feel, i know i did my best in this relationship, although i'm very sad that it didn't work out between us but i have no regrets, at least i tried. thanks for trying too, although it's a very short period but i'm really very happy during this two months and it's because of you, thank you haroy soh yu shi, i love you. the last time i can say this, i love you i really do, i'll miss you badly i know, your smile, your eyes, your hands, your hug, your kiss, everything. do take care of yourself, don't fall sick alright? i can't be there to take care of you anymore.

2009-11-21T13:26:00.001-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERIE (:

today i'm seriously damn damn HAPPY!!

this year's birthday had been an awesome one!

i'm really touched, really really touched.

i really didn't expect so much

and because of that, it made things even better when it happens!

i love you all!

i believe i don't need to list out the details

let the pictures do the narrating, it should be very clear and detailed(:

but before that i would like to give me thank youS speech first,

alright, alphabetical order then(:

derrick: chan jianhao! seriously i didn't expect you to do so much for me, i feel so important to you for once hahahaha! i've always thought that you were the kind that doesn't care about anything other then your games, but this time you actually did so much for me!

i'm really super super gan dong la, from the planning part to the practising part to the final surprise, everything touched my little heart. you know what? when i heard that you actually practise how to cook before hand so as to ensure it's nice, that action is like so so so sweet can! awww, derrick feel like giving you a big hug! love you to the max!

joan : baobei!! i'm really super sad that you weren't here ): i thought it was fake that you have to go malaysia and that you'll be my surprise! who knows it's actually real, how i wish you could be with us, it would be extra fun with you around! i miss you so much ): you promise you're gonna make it up to me oh! i'll be waiting for you to come back! and and and that designer's clothing is really damn "pretty" de la! thanks alot arh! but i heard from jill all your effort behind the scene, i knew you love me although we don't often meet up, sisters aren't sisters for nothing(: I LOVE YOU! HURRY COME BACK(:

jill: DEARIE!! my boyfie too! thanks for planning and putting in so much time and effort for my birthday everytime, i promise i'll make your twice as suprise and of course twice the sweet revenge! HAHAHA without you i doubt there'll be such a surprise! setting up an event page planning everything soooooo ahead making sure it works, you seriously showed me something, friends are better then anyone else, sisters are even better! you're the best lessie ever!! you did it, thanks for being there for me whenever i needed some light, thanks for bringing some sparks to light up my life, I LOVE YOU(:

junjie: sister? brother? i really don't know hahahaha! boyfriend, you really rock! thanks for skipping training just to celebrate my birthday with me, from sec school till now, although you often bully me but i know that's just for fun, you're really a super good friend can? helping me whenever i needed, taking care of me, accompanying me, being a clown to entertain me LOL i still remember you peeling prawn for me during prom! hahaha yes yes it super long ago already but yea, i still think that's very sweet of you, I LUB LUB YOU(:

mervin: hello hello! hahahaha although we might not be that close even though we are primary school friends plus secondary school friends, lol sounds so funny but thanks taking time to celebrate my birthday with me and cooking all those pretty pretty food for meeeee! thank you for sending me home just now too heeesXD! I LOVE YOU(:

munkit: munkit twist! you really very cute hahaha! you arh, never talk look so quiet but when you open your mouth LOL seriously damn joker, thanks for bringing so much laughter to my life! and and and i know you put in alot of effort to prepare those food, taking initiative to offer help, i'm really shocked when i heard that you all stay over at rachel's house and stayed up the whole night just to prepare the food for me, i'm really touched by that. thank you so so so much for everything! I LOVE YOU(:

rachel: DARLING! sorry for scolding you just now, i really thought you don't care me le mah, my birthday still go training till so late, that's why a little bit pekcek, a little bit only la. LOL but i know you've always love me, cause i'm your favourite sister right? oops! HAHAHAH thanks darling for skipping training and letting them stayover at your house and mess up your kitchen to prepare those food. thanks for doing sooooo much for me, scolding bastards with me when i'm sad, laughing with me when i'm happy, being 24/7 for me whenever i need you. i know i can count on you whenever i need a shoulder to lean on or a person to talk to. I LOVE YOU DARLING(:

weishen: hello brother! although you might not have done much behind the scene, but i still appreciate you for being here, taking time just to celebrate my birthday with me! thanks for nagging me at times to make me understand the fact of some stuffs, like what a mummy would do HAHAHA! but yea, you're a great friend and a good brother! I LOVE YOU(:

wiley: wiley wiley wiley sam! sorry for making you wait for soooooo long today! i know it's very irritating to wait so long, sorry sorry sorry la! don't angry le okay? i know you won't heeheeheeXD! anyway, though you not very man, don't wanna help me take things but i'm still very very happy to see you today! thanks for putting in so much effort to make this birthday celebration for me! we might not be the bestest friend yet, but we're still the goodest friend! HAHAHA! thanks for being my goodest friend, i can accompany you watch sleeping beauty some time soon(: I LOVE YOU!

all in all, THANK YOU EVERYBODY!! without any one of you, it wouldn't have been perfect!

i love you guys!

2009-11-20T10:02:00.000-08:00

i kept singing this song i gotta feeling by black eyed peas today.

and really the lyrics came true.

" i got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonight's gonna be a good good night!"

Indeed, tonight in fact the whole day had been a good day!

I seriously enjoyed myself to the max today man!

it's been some time since i laughed and enjoyed like this

i'm really happy from the bottom of my heart.

thank you every single one of you dearies.

without you, i would not have laughed so hard!

starting from my sem1 clique, hanhan, bel, diana and kenny!

thanks for the bearbear and steamboat dinner at chongqing huo guo(:

i really love the meaning behind the bear and will cherish it dearly

just a simple dinner with you guys is already damn fun.

you all never fails to bring laughter whenever i'm with you all

although the environment of the place was kinda eeeky with those little cockroaches running around, urgh! but it was still a bear-ly fun dinner!

KENNY: thanks for peeling the prawns and taking food for us, well that's for being the only guy with us teeheeXD!

EZABEL: thanks for being sooo cute and the wish in the bear you made for me, it wouldn't have been perfect without you my dear and stop thinking that i love hanhan more than you, i love you equally much alright?

DIANA: thanks for the cutesy bear bear and the constant concern about my studies and everything about me, that's really sweet(:

HANHAN: my dearest SSOS, thanks for your love and also the wish you've made just for me, although i don't know what the wish is but i'm sure i'll be super touched if i know it,thanks for being there all the time and putting up with my nonsense and crap hahaha!

after that met up with irvin, weizhi and jill

an unexpected sweet surprise is gonna unfold

stay tune for part 2(:

ps: sorry justin! i'm really super tired le, so can't finish typing will do so tmr(:

sorry sorry!

2009-11-10T06:31:00.001-08:00

HOME ALONE DAY 3

i had a bad night yesterday ):

keep imagining things, scared by all those little noises at night

totally can't sleep properly la!

alone at night in such a big house with no lights on is really scary man
i don't wanna stay home alone again!

anyway, this time round i actually tried cooking things that i've never tried before

and all taste awesome! hahaha

yesterday i cooked roti prata with scramble egg & cheese for lunch

*yum yum*

then at night i went to meet darling zhen and jill for dinner at lot1.

today i cooked porridge and some sinful but linger lick'in good side dish

hahaha!

first time trying to a meal for myself other then maggie mee

hmm, i would say it's quite successful ^^

i really don't know how much rice should i take for myself

then i water, how much water must i add to make it into a porridge?

super lots of stuffs to decide la

but in the end i also anyhow add de

luckily, it's still edible

so not too bad for a first timer i guess?

heeesXD!

ps: i love you

2009-11-07T10:53:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEIMEI(:

hope you enjoyed yourself today, i know i know the flowers very pretty right?

i'll remember your silly face when you saw the flowers

today should be the first time you received a bouquet

look at how touch you are haha

anyway, sorry i can't accompany you to genting to celebrate your birthday

will bring you out with dajie when you come back(:

4 lonely days, 3 scary nights to survive alone at home

ps: i still love you, ethan tan

2009-11-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

You said goodbye

I fell apart

I fell from all we had

To I never knew

I needed you so bad

You need to let things go

I know, you told me so

I've been through hell

To break the spell

Why did I ever let you slip away

Can't stand another day without you

Without the feeling

I once knew

I cry silently

I cry inside of me

I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

I cry

Cause you're not here with me

I cry

Cause I'm lonely as can be

I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If you could see me now

You would know just how

How hard I try

Not to wonder why

I wish I could believe in something new

Oh please somebody tell me it's not true (oh girl)

I'll never be over you

Why did I ever let you slip away

Can't stand another day without you

Without the feeling

I once knew

I cry silently

I cry inside of me

I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

I cry

Cause you're not here with me

I cry

Cause I'm lonely as can be

I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If I could have you back tomorrow

If I could lose the pain and sorrow

I would do just anything

To make you see

You still love me

I cry silently

I cry inside of me

I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

I cry

Cause you're not here with me

I cry

Cause I'm lonely as can be

I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

ps: i love you

2009-11-05T08:25:00.000-08:00

today was a buzzy bee day!

so many things to do to keep me occupied

marketing UT sucks big time!

i wasted 6 marks due to the time constrains

i didn't manage to finish the full paper, so saddening ):

late for class as usual

really gotta get rid of this super bad habit

a few faci has been commenting on me coming in late for class which is a negative impression for them, awwww~

anyway, met jill and intro her to my new classmate jessica

hahaha random

but yea, we trained down together and it's good to see my friend and my sister clicking well

at least it's not that awkward.

went all the way down to aljunied just for a half an hour training about some stupid windows mobile thingy that we have to promote starting from this week.

hope this new working environment wouldn't be so bad

i'll be at causeway point's singtel shop this sunday and probably next week if i'm free.

today, i thought of you again.

some good, some bad

when i was walking to causeway after school today i met mingyang

the first thing he asked me when he saw me was,

" where's ethan? "

i was like sighing in my heart, i wished i know it too

so i said," i don't know "

he replied, " huh! how can you not know? he's your boyfriend leh! "

* putting salt on my wound *

" we broke up le " i said softly

" huh? "

" WE BROKE UP LE LA!! " and i stared at him

" oh, sorry sorry "

when he said sorry, i was kinda sad too

like he's pitying me for my sorry plight, what the hell

everybody was shocked to hear that

but do they know that their reactions starts to irritate me already

initially, i was yea, super upset

then slowly slowly, immune

and finally, yes yes yes, that's a fact that i don't wanna accept too but blahblahblah

like i know it's so sudden, but it's not like i wanted it right?, i'm trying to accept it here

so help me with it alright?

today when i'm walking home, i thought of you again.

i don't know why i keep doing things that i know it's definitely hurt myself

my sisters told me not to contact you anymore

but i just can't bring myself to do it

i know i shouldn't call you, but i still did anyway

everyday you'd gave me a new reason not to be happy

it's not entirely your fault, i took it too hard

sorry to make you look like the bad guy

but your words, your speed of getting used to things, i just can't accept that

it's not a bad thing, it's just my own problem

do you know how much courage i took to call you everytime

i feel like a clown entertaining myself, talking to myself, pretending that nothing's wrong

today i asked you, do you feel that you have nothing to talk to me?

and you replied, yes kind of

can you imagine how pain your words are?

you make me feel like i'm talking to a stranger

so what's the meaning of this?

your love ended when we broke up?

you said that you're not that heartless person that i thought you are

but your words, your actions just don't look like you are in pain

maybe you can hide your feelings well i don't know

i don't wanna regret starting this relationship

i wanted this to be the best relationship i have and i've always thought it would be

are my relationship cursed?

a curse that all my relationships cannot go pass 3months

i'm afraid to step into a relationship now

i'm sorry to still have expectations for you

when i know i can't have anymore

the higher the expectations, the more disappointed you'll get if it didn't happen

that's exactly what i'm doing

hoping that one day when i talk to you, you'd say you still love me

and that it hurts you as much as i do

that's why it hurts so much when i talk to you everyday

i'm disappointed everyday

maybe one day when i really no longer have hopes

your life would be easier

sorry for everything

ps: i love you

2009-11-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

today i think i can give myself 50marks

i'm feeling quite alright today, especially when i'm with jill

she totally took my mind of this matter

i was busy introducing all the nice food in our school, discussing about our pay, finding joy in every little thing we saw, like the leaves that's clapping

HAHAHA that's really very funny la!

should have taken a picture of it

BUT

before i met jill or belbel or diana

when i was sitting alone at that little corner that i found that would be my new hiding place,

i saw the powerpoint that i made for him for our second month

looking through the slides, all the memories came back

flashing like a movie in my mind

a sudden gush of sadness overwhelmed me once again

but suddenly i saw bel and diana so i held back my tears

lucky they came in time, if not i would have thought of more and more things and those bad emotions would come back again

i don't like them, stealing my sun and filled my world with dark clouds and thunderstorm

my feelings are just like the weather recently

sometimes, the sun would shine brightly but the next minute lightning and thunder

are they a reflection of my feelings?

but anyway, i think i'm a very good girl today

i haven't really cried today

i tried so hard not to think about you

and it helps

i've only thought of you twice today

once in the morning and once when i'm walking home at night.

everyday i would want to call you badly, when i know that would only make me feel worst

but today i did great, not only did i refrain myself from calling you names that i used to call you

dear, darling, baobei, honey, baby, dardar, sweetheart

a lot of times, i almost called wrongly

ethan tan ethan tan ethan tan ethan tan X1000000

i must get used to this

today i told myself, i have to get rid of all the habits that i'm used too

i'm too reliant on you in the past, that made me so difficult to get used to life without you

no one to accompany me when i needed it

no one for me to sajiao to

no one for me to call or sms whenever i feel like it

you made me realised that i'm not alone and that i can rely on you, but now when i'm 100% reliant on you, you are not there for me anymore.

i'm just kinda disappointed

but as long as i can get over this

and get used to my single life and be independent again, i should be fine

but god knows how long it'll take for me to be independent

No matter what i must continue what i did today and not think so much

taking things easy and keep myself occupied at all times

maybe working would be a good idea though it's very tiring and time consuming

but maybe that's exactly what i need.

today is the 4th day since we broke up

i still miss you

i still love you

my dear

ps: i love you

2009-11-03T07:45:00.000-08:00

baby, what's the use of saying sorry when it doesn't help

sorry is not what i wanna hear

how i wish there's such a pill in the world that could make me forget everything

so that there won't be so much pain

so that i would not have to cry my eyes out everynight

why is the world so cruel

why does things have to turn out this way

today i thought i'm alright, i feel okay today

maybe we talked yesterday night and i made everything easier for us both

but when we are at the popular today

i realised how wrong i was

everything was fake

i'm lying to myself this whole time, i actually lied to myself that nothing changed

in my mind, we are still together, you are still mine

maybe that's how i made myself feel better in a way

pretending that nothing happened

we are still happily together

But the moment that you let me hand go and walk away, i was awake

that was when i realised i was dreaming

i looked up and saw this book title saying ' when everything has changed '

it feels like every little thing out there is reminding me the fact that we have broken up

there's no chance that we can get back together again

and i hate that

why am i in the real world, i don't want this

why can't there be a fairytale where i can go to, where it's free of sadness and pain

i've never felt this way before, i've never cried so hard for a person

it hurts more then the physical pain when mummy canes me

but at least i can put medicine to let it heal

but what about this?

can somebody give me some pain killer or anesthesia

so that it won't hurt so much

let it numb, i don't wanna feel anything

everyday there would be so many people coming to ask if i'm alright

i would smile and say i'm alright don't worry

but i'm not

i wanted so much to shout out that I'M NOT OKAY!

but so what if i'm not, who can help me?

nobody.

so what's the use of asking when there's nothing you can do

i'm not blaming anyone, sorry but i'm just upset

i just want to vent all my emotions

i'm tired, so tired of all these

i'm tired of spending all my time alone, without you by my side

i don't want anybody else

we still have this one last date

one last day of going out as a couple

to finish all the things that we've yet done

after today when you tell me that we can never be together again even without the status

all my hopes were dashed

now i understand what's the meaning of the higher you hope, the greater the disappointment

i learnt my lesson, i cannot have any hope anymore

so that i won't get disappointed no more

i know it would be even more tough for me to get over you after this last date.

but i know if i don't go, i'll regret it more then anything else

just let the pain come then

let's see how much pain i can take before i finally break down.

i really don't understand how you get used to it so quickly

when everything happened so sudden

why so i feel like i am the only one suffering

that i'm the one that is holding you back from being happy

i want you to be happy

but it's so difficult to put on a brave front in front of you

i wonder how long will it take to fully heal my heart

it's especially difficult to handle at night when i'm alone

when i'm in school, i can't cry, i cannot let my classmates see me this way

when i'm at home, i can't let my family see me cry, i don't want them to be worried

but when i'm at home when my mind is not occupied with anything, the wave of sadness comes more frequent, and it's very tough to cry and not let them see.

many times, my mum or sisters would come in when i'm crying then i'll have to turn away immediately and pretend that i'm alright

why do i have to face all this

is there a place where i can let go of all my emotions and not have to care about anything?

i guess this would be the place where i'll pour my sorrows everyday

i'm all worned out now

gotta find something else to occupy myself

to you: i'll be alright, don't worry

ps: i love you

2009-11-02T03:54:00.000-08:00

I remembered just 2 post ago, i was saying to mark the start of me blogging again

i shall post a happy news which was the start of our relationship.

who knows, just the third post i'm going to blog about the end of our relationship.

i didn't expect myself to take it so hard

i thought i'll be able to cope with it

i didn't feel any pain when i saw your sms, saying that you've decided to stay in church and to let me go, until the point when you talked to me in msn

did i realised the changes, the difference now

the way you talk to me,

the name that i'm calling you,

the one that send me morning sms,

the one that talked to me everynight,

the one that gave me tissue when i'm crying,

the one that i look for everyday,

the one that held my hand,

the one that hugged me when i needed warmth,

the one that kissed me softly,

the one that looked me in the eye and tell me that you loved me,

the one that i loved so much,

is no longer mine, no more

no matter how unwilling i am to let you go,

i know i have to

you've already made your decision and i respect that

you gave me the choice but i let you go.

remember you asked me if i were to be alittle bit more selfish will i make the same decision

truthfully, no i will not

but it doesn't matter anymore

you made me clear of something, promises are meant to be broken

words are meant to be said for fun

nothing is forever

initially, i was seriously heart broken, when i called you last night everything that you said pierced through my heart

my heart bled while my tears run dry

every single word just further proved that what you told me in the past are just a pack of lies

how much i wanted to believe that you truely meant what you've said and that you

really didn't want this to happen

but when you told me you are over the state of sadness

and that even if i asked you to leave church you would not do so

i seriously don't know how to trust you again

so much so for the love you had for me

why did things have to turn out this way?

after hours of thinking crying my heart out,

i decided that i've done all i can and that i'm not going to cry for you anymore

you said that you don't want me to say such things to you anymore

but what's the meaning of asking someone else to take over what was once your job

calling me in the morning to ask me to go to school

asking others about me, checking if i'm alright

caring about me when i can't do so

when i heard that you done this for me, how am i supposed to let go?

everything just happened too quickly,

it's not like we don't love each other anymore, it's not that one of us did something wrong to end up in this state

but now, i can only accept this cold hard truth that it's over.

goodbye my babyboy

so long my luckless romance

can't believe what i feel is real

feelings that's hard to conceal

i would hold you in my arms if you were mine forevermore

you and i, i never thought i'd fall for you

the best thing underneath the twinkling stars

my heart desires to be close to you

so you can take my hand and embrace me now

minimizing all my fears and i knowthat all my doubts will disappear

there's nothing to conceal

it's real

it hurts, but it'll heal one day

ps: i love you

2009-08-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

FINALLY I'M BACK TO BLOGGING!
alright, since it's a happy thing i shall start with a happy post then(:

today i went for our officially first date with dardar.
oh yah, i forgot to introduce my darling, ethan tan weiloong.
after cognitive UT we bid goodbye to hanhan they all and went to darl's house to put our lappys and stuffs first.
cos i didn't wanna bring it along to marina baraage for our picnic!
very heavy, hahaha!
but end up when we reached dardar's house it started raining and it just gets bigger and bigger.
so we were stuck at home, no more picnic at baraage ):
BUT it doesn't matter where we went, as long as being with him it's good enough.
i had a great time just relaxing at his house, eating lunch together.
After that around 5.30 we proceed to the sky garden for a mini picnc with the sandwiches and snacks that i brought.
actually, the sky garden makes a good picnic place too(:
just the 2 of us, so comfy.
sitting down, relaxing, looking at the clear blue sky, being with the one you love, ahhh, that's life man! LOL
finally to end of our date we went to watch where got ghost?
but i don't really like that movie, not really very funny or what, nothing special.
I WANT TO WATCH THE ORPHAN! hahhaa

till then, i'll end of with the pictures(:

ps: can't wait for our next date darling!

2009-07-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

yay! i'm finally done with the video!

i'm so proud of myself hahahaha!

but it's still not perfect yet, behind got 1 whole minute without music ):

i'm trying to edit it again

so meanwhile do enjoy this video!

it's so freaking funny and cool la.

our first video ever!

after taking 600 over photos with my webcam

that day, 15 june 09 is so memorable can?

met for some sisters catching up

then ended up at the rooftop garden with nothing to do.

i forgot which smart girl came up with the webcam idea and all the craziness were unleashed!

HAHAHAHHA

that's where all the magic and FUN started.

with the help of my AWESOME wireless mouse! lol

anyway, as you can see from the video, we were chased out after 10(lights out)

but we haven't had enough

so we proceed on to MAC and continued the crazy act

hahaha, really got alot of people looking at us la!

but we ignored them and got into our own world

WE GOTTA DO IT AGAIN ALRIGHT GIRLS?!

ps: my hair is so freaking ugly here ):

I'M THE FIRST TO POST ^^

2009-05-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

MAJONG SESSION!!

hahaha, it's such an awesome getaway.

i really love my sisters so much.

any simple activity or day but with them around it's just so fun.

the whole room was filled our laughter man.

and the best thing is, CHERIE LIM is the overall BIG WINNER!!

woohoo! justin and jill don't cry. LOL

just kinda sad that joanie couldn't make it.

otherwise it would have been a perfect sister gathering ):

but it's alright JOAN, we'll organise another sister outing real soon.

any place you girls wanna go? zoo? birdpark? singapore flyer?

hahahaha, just let me know!

i'll arrange for the free passes, oops! did i say free?

*shhhhh, it's a secret*

LOL

anyway, let the pictures show you the rest(:

player A

player B

player C

player D (me!)

fighting over money, aiyo! lol

silly girl, so excited over zhen's phone, LOL

winning tiles, so pretty(:

the substitude, haha! no la, thanks dom for coming down after work and bring so many yummy goodies for us! thanks thanks!

BEFORE

AFTER (:

alright, here i end of this majong post! let's do this again soon(: LOVES

2009-04-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

alright, school has already started for 3 days.

and it had been 3 very FUN day!

i really love my classmates alot can?

they are all so funny and cute

but as usual, not all are like that. LOL

anyway, rp's life is really very different and very busy almost everyday.

cause they gave us very little time and we need to do so many things

presentation also! but slowly slowly will get used to it de ba, i guess so?

and in our school, the teachers are not called lecturers but facilitator in short, FACI

kind of cute but weird right?

hahaha

but one good thing about our difference in teaching is that all we need everyday is just our lappies! and our major points are mainly decided on teamwork, which means don't need much personal effort. LOL

no la, just kidding. just that more people work together easier to produce better stuffs

right people?

i'm super excited about every new day for this first week man!

cause everyday we change groups!

so have to look forward to every new group mates(:

okay la, i very tired le.

go sleep first, continue again tomorrow!

GOODNIGHTS

ps: deciding what to wear everyday is a chore man! btw, you all can see my class photos on my facebook(:

2009-04-03T10:28:00.002-07:00

yeah, finally i'm updating!

alright i'm gonna start with our night safari trip.

it's called the 3/4 sisters outing.

needless to say which bo xin de didn't go with us ba? hahahaha!

alright, so out we go!

but we met quite late and we waited for that 927 for freaking long

so we reached around 9.25pm and we didn make it for the 9.30 animal show ):

thus we followed the very friendly uncle's recommendation to buy the tram ride tickets before proceeding to the leopard's trail for a 15-20mins walk.

okay, i think that's the first time i walked there la.

initially i didn't even know there's trail for us to walk, haha! (don't say i'm suaku)

cos i thought it would be too dark to walk then don't have barrier and stuffs de.

so, when we just started walking, we're all super scared la!

so dark inside, reminds me of our sec2 kluang camp's nightwalk.

haha! so funny.

anyway, the show was alright and we were lucky enough to see the crocodile's have dinner.

do you know that 4/5 crocodiles need to i think 10kg worth of fishes!

so scary man.

can't imagine if someone drop inside.

anyway, the tram ride was so-so only, not really worth that 10bucks

cause all we see are mainly deers, deers and MORE DEERS!

haaa!

lucky we don't have to pay the entry fees, if not it'll be so ex man

oh and we tried the nuggets and fries from bongo burger.

not bad not bad, it's very different from the usual ones.

do try it next time(:

alright, anyway, we managed to board the last bus and wala! we ended up at bpp because of joanie(: (you better say thank you)

we wanted to go to starbucks to chill initially, who knows it actually closed at 12am.

so early la!

so we ended up under some bp void deck with jolly shandy and snacks.

and we started our girl's talk.

*whishhh...*

time passes so quickly la!

we left around 2am if i'm not wrong, and i walked home with jill dearie

guess what, we took around an hour plus to reach cck la!

so funny.

anyway, that's still a very fun day with my sisters(:

love you girls!

ps: only those that went. HAHAHAHA

that's all for now. tata!

btw, i need some help now, which design is nicer?

2009-03-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU LOVE SOOOOOOO MUCH FOR DOING THE HEADER FOR ME!

in the middle of the night when you have to wake up at 7am to play basketball.

you make me feel so guilty for doing that la!

but i really appreciate everything.

thanks for spending hours to perfect every single detail for me

thanks for waiting for me so patiently to choose the pictures

thanks for watching those videos to help me remove the ugly search blogs thingy

thanks for trying i don't know how many countless times to remove the ugly cross for me

thanks for staying up and forfeiting your sleeping time just for me

i didn't know you were so persistent until tonight.

despite the bad flu, you still managed to finish everything

刘俊纹, 爱你啦!

the new header is really niceeeeee

love it loads(:

2009-03-08T06:17:00.000-07:00

today is definately not my day!

i'm like so super unlucky la

on the bus to town suddenly the aircon drip water on me ):
then i wanted to do air brush tattoo but the machine not working after we waited so long!

argh, what a bad day for me.

then when i'm walking today i keep seeing people looking at me like they know me.

but i don't think i know them, after i walk pass i turn back they would still be looking at me!

so weird, like i'm some rare species. LOL

but still i had a great time today though the time is kinda short.

we went to far east first as i wanna go to the ohsofickle shop there.

but i didn buy a single thing, so sad la!

all that stupid guy's fault, keep don't wanna come in then i feel so weird shopping alone inside

when i know somebody is waiting for me outside.

but i saw alot of accessories that i like there!

but all damn expensive when i'm so poor now.

gotta bring someone with me there next time then get him to buy for me!

wahahahahhahaaa! (so evil)

maybe i'll go back there again tml to get it?

lol i just can't stop thinking about it ):

the necklace i like is $38

don't know is it worth it anot, sad.

alright after that we went walking aimlessly till we decided to go to taka to grab a bite.

and so we went to buy 1A curry puff, not A1 curry puff oh!

hahaha! i always thought it's A1 but then i saw the logo today.

so funny, 1A sound so childish like primary school. LOL

okay, sorry i mean no harm to the curry puff.

it's damn nice!

the skin very crispy then the filling inside very different, it's kind of watery.

not like old chang kee kind, when you bite the curry inside will like spurt out

very nice but very difficult to eat.

next on after we finish eating, we went to search for dickies bag.

that idiot la, don't believe me!

i told him that there's no dickies in taka but he insisted that he know there is.

SEE, IRVIN LOW THERE IS NO DICKIES SHOP IN TAKA RIGHT?!

hohoho! so i won the bet.

thus we went to the children's department and i found alot of games that i want to own!

everything like super fun la.

hais, too bad everything is too expensive):

finally we bus-ed back to lot1 and irvin went to have dinner with yanzhi and vivien while i went home first as i don't wanna join them

maybe i'll sleep early today for a change! haha

ps: GIRLS, 1 MORE DAY ONLY!! and i haven pack my stuffs, oh no!

2009-03-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

before i forgot i want to announce that i officially finish reading the whole twilight series!

i'm so so happy yet sad at the same as time as i read the 2words at the end of breaking dawn.

"THE END"

oh man! that means i have nothing to read already.

and that sucks! ):):):

alright so that marks the end of my bookworm days.

next on!

instead of our family outing with ahcun on thursday, i went out with joan and jill to bugis.

kind of sad because of some miscommunications between our family.

but i'm sure we'll go out again soon(:

so first we went to have late lunch at kfc before proceeding to watch movie.

and movie of the day is : Marley & ME

the show is not bad but i guess all of us were pretty tired so it didn appeal so much to me.

and the bugis cinema really lived up to it's name.

the cinema is really lousy, i doubt i'll go there again.

and it's freaking cold inside! like freezing * brrrrr * haha!

so after that we decided it's time for the sun to warm us up.

thus we proceeded to haji lane to get some stuffs we want, indeed we did not come back empty handed, i got a very cute top, satisfied :D

after that joanie complained that she's hungry so we went to grab a bite at the hongkong cafe inside bugis street, the french toast is quite nice(:

and finally, to end the day

we went to do manicure! (which rachel just scolded me for not waiting for her, oops!)

heeeeXD don't angry la okay?

i'll make up to you on monday! i'll go do pedicure with you.

so SMILE (:

ps: 2 more days to genting trip! OMG * we're coming! *

2009-03-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

i'm back! yay me! haha

okay, maybe not so yay but still great! lol

anyway, i've decided that i won't ever blog again if i was going to blog the current stuffs only after i found time to do the posts for the past.

so just forget about it and start anew(:

alright, i went to board the Singapore Flyer today.

i'm so excited about it la! and i guess all of us were.

by the way, i went with my family and a cousin.

though the ride was not really as great as i expected it to be and the scenery,

oops! i think it's a wrong word used, there's no scenery there at all.

all ugly contruction sites and the not really very beautiful sea.

but there's one part that i think they are very thoughtful about.

they actually build a very small vacation like view at the bottom that initially i thought it was real until we came back down. it's very pretty!

but overall it's still a very fun family day!

awesome, we should have more of such outings(:

and the best thing is, of course having fun without needing to spend a single cent!

HAHAHAHAHA

how realistic can i be?

thank you daddy(:

finally ending with a couple of our endless snaps on the flyer!

scroll down

thank you for riding with us on the Singapore Flyer.
hope you enjoy your trip(:

ps: i'm going to genting with my racheldarl and jilldear REAL SOON! *screams*

2009-02-07T13:44:00.000-08:00

I REALLY SERIOUSLY WANT TO BLOG!

BUT I GOT SOOOOOO MUCH TO SAY THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START

give me a few more days to get the photos i promise i'll come back to blog.

i want this online dairy to have everything that i wanna remember.

so that when i'm old i can look back at all this precious memories and share with my love.

alright just in case i forgot the contends i wanna blog about.

-working at vivo

- chinese new year (boring!)

-3 movie updates!

- neoprints with dear

- vivo outing with darling

- some stuffs i thought of this few days

don't know why recently i kept having some sort of reflections and stuffs.

i really think friendship this weird bond is really important

but sometimes it's kinda weak too.

sad to say, no matter what happens, whatever conflicts i have with my dearest friends

i can't just "breakup" with them just like that

because i know i can't live without them

i can't imagine how life would be without friends by your side.

but as compare to others, i think i'm rather lucky already to have my 4 sisters with me.

just like what joan said, nobody can promise us a forever

but we'll be sisters for a FREAKING-LONG-TIME!

and because of that i'll be super busy this feb-march period!!

RACHEL's birthday- 11feb

JOANIE's birthday- 21feb

JILL's birthday- 11march

can you imagine how much they are going to cost me?

i guess all my ang pao money will be spent on them ):

hahahahaha

why-oh-why-oh-why?

2009-01-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

GOODBYE 2008 AND HELLO 2009!

hahaha

alright, it's time to blow off the dust and start blogging again.

let's not talk about 08 anymore, it's just working working and more work.

so let's start off with 1st jan(more accurately, new year count down)

i had jumbo buffet for dinner.

mmmm, yum yum!

alright, so this year as usual i left my uncle's house halfway through to meet jill and irvin at vivo to celebrate and countdown.

but jill was late and irvin was stuck in the shop i forgot why

which made me so disappointed and alone all by myself.

what a great new year i thought, initially i'm like totally sian diao already la.

but after that i decided to find something to do

so i went to walk around to find any shops that's still open to buy a new year gift for jillDEARIE

so finally i found gloria jeans and i bought a super cute cupcake for her!

and that made me feel better and what really brighten my day was the sweet shopkeeper from gloria jeans.

he said my studded bracelet is very nice and asked me where i got it from.

waaa, hear already fly up the sky man! LOL

anyway, after that jill reach le but irritating irvin still can't leave P&B yet.

so we decided to go up and take a look.

but after being squeezed and pushed around, we didn manage to get in to see the concert!!

in fact we just walk one round outside and can't figure out how to get in -.-

so we ended up at starbucks and somehow or rather counted down there.

and we got drinks to cheers for new year! so cool

yeah! so with that how can we miss out our favourite activity?

CAM-WHOR-ING!

alright, before i show you the photos i've decided to finish typing first

so be patient alright? haha

after a long time, irritating irvin(in short II) finally came out.

oh yah! jillDEARIE gave us new year cards!

it's really alot of effort and it's very pretty

although i don't like the words behind): i wanna watch twilight!!!! boooo

yups! so after that we proceed to the top floor for more photo sessions and met weishen as well

finally, we decided to leave for clarke quey to meet derrick and gang.

but it's somehow a bad choice. haha

as there's alot of people we don't know there so it's not that fun.

and we don't drink liquor! (or is it me only?)

anyway, jill, II and me decided leave them and go walk walk ourselves

which also = to MORE PHOTOS!! lol

and we walked a long long way and back to cineleisure again.

halfway there, we saw dejun, joffre and gang.

chit chatted abit with dejun and jiakang, also to let the 2 leg pain people relax abit.

when we reached cineleisure, we have no choice but to go to HK cafe.

as that's the only shop left that's still open

so we went in for breakfast

guess what?! we actually saw felicia, shermaine, stozer and sorry i forgot your name!

they are like super high can? crazy de!

the porkribs special beehoon is nice(: heesXD!

after our yummy breakfast, II low left us(abandoned us!) to join qingchen and gang for the first bus home.

which left us with no choice but to join dejun and gang.

haha! sound so pathetic but not exactly la, they are nice people(:

oh oh oh! jill must thank me for helping her wear her killer heels for awhile to relief the pain.

hahahhahahhahhaha

okays, *zap* and we're on bus 700 and 975 home(:

HOME SWEET HOME

now for the interesting part, picture time!

the super blurr shot! thanks to weishen(: LOL

ahhhh~! freaking ghost):

almost 2hours taken to do this -.-

2008-12-08T11:45:00.000-08:00

alright, after a long break

i have sooooo much to blog about

so where should i start?

1. zoo-ed with my family

2. met up with junjiee

3. haji lane-ed with jillDearie!

4. my dickies bagpack arrival

5. dinner with derrick, ws & jill

6. k-ster session at chinatown

7. circus at downtown east

8. high tea at hyatt hotel

9. crazy night life with J-dearie

10. movie date with Irvin

wao wao wao! so many thing so say so little time and space

hahahahaha

so let's just let the pictures do the job and i'll blog about the most recent one ba!

1 to 10, from the latest till the most recent one.

today i FINALLY went to watch quarantine

like after i've been talking about it for so long!

alright, at least the show is not disappointing.

it's super scary, but i didn scream, unlike rachel lim. HAHA

but it did gave me an unexpected shock that almost made me scream la

what the hell, that stupid zombie!

but overall it's worth the movie ticket

like so much better then the coffin.

haha! and sisters you all cannot say me suagu and 路痴 already

course i found someone worse then me!

which is none other then mr IRVIN LOW(:

hahahahaha!

today is so funny can

okays, but i'm sorry i woke up at 5 when we are supposed to meet at 5!!!

SORRY x10000000

but i did set alarm clock at 2.30PM

anyway, our initial plan was to go causeway to watch but on second thought it's kinda boring there so we decided to change our destination to jurong point.

but we took super long to reach there la.

i don't know what's wrong with us or maybe should i say irvin? haha

we are suppose to take train from woodlands to cck to boonlay.

but somehow or rather we took the train to yishun!!

LOL

lucky i realised it, if not i wonder where will we go to?

after we changed to the correct train that dummy almost make us alight at yewtee.

haiyo, don't know what's on his mind.

oh yah! and he leaked out alot of secrets oh!

be careful mr low jun wen, your secrets are on my hand, hohoho

and don't forget you owe me lots of things after you get your pay^^

can't wait till then

oh and i almost lost my phone!!

i dropped it in the cinema, we were like so panic cos we can't get back in from the exit and it's about to close already.

but luckily the GV people kept it for me(:

thank you!

so overall today's date was great

thank you dearie for being so man during the movies(:

hahahahahahaha

goodnight and have fun on your first day of work!

2008-11-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

21 NOVEMBER'08

happy birthday to me, yay! haha

alright, initially today i didn feel like going out already.

cause don't know why super lethargic then "also not celebrating today"

but in the end i did drag myself up and prepared to meet jill.

but as we met quite late due to some stuffs we shopped alittle, snacked at waffle factory, i did manicure and finally trained down to cityhall to meet my family

while jill went to town to meet "shiyang".

for dinner, we went to paris international buffet at marina square.

and it freaking cost $281 for 6 people la!

i guess there goes my birthday present or angbao from daddy):

haha!

i think the food there is average only, nothing really nice or special.

so it's like not exactly worth the steep price

after dinner, jill sms-ed me saying that "all of them are not free for movie"

which made me super disappointed.

after we left the place i accidentally saw my sis calling jill.

so i thought there might be some surprise or something lined up for me.

my lil sister actually asked me :

'erjie, so you know the surprise arhs?'

then i was like: 'huh, what surprise?'

then she said: 'orh, no la!' then faster walked away.

haha! but i decided not to probe so much, don't wanna spoil stuffs mahs.

so i did meet jill and walked around looking for the dumb cinema.

and till now, we still can't find it!! haha

so we spent quite a long time walking around and looking for stuffs "to buy for shiyang cos he gave her a sunflower for being late"

JILL, i just realised you're really a quite talented liar can? lol

meanwhile i was looking around anticipating for my surprise.

like where will they pop out? who will appear?

but anyway, we continued to walk and walk and walk until my leg pain then we went into mac to rest awhile. cause initially i don't feel like going over to esplanade to find "sy"

but after jill sound so pek cek with "him" i decided to make life easier for her.

and by then i already gave up the hope of having the surprise.

and drag myself to esplanade, thinking that after we found sy then we'll go home straight.

so we were strolling around that big durian in search of sy.

there's alot of people sitting around there la, then when we walked past everybody is looking at us like as if we are animals in the zoo! haha!

finally, when we are nearing the place "sy described to us"

suddenly, somebody tapped me.

and when i turned around, it's XIAOYUAN!! with 3 stalks of daisy.

and i screamed la, super shocked and stunned for words.

so we just continued walking and suddenly somebody hugged me from behind.

sad to say, i screamed again!

this time when i turned around, it's my darlingRACHEL with a stalk of daisy.

then as i walked down, MERVIN came up with a stalk of daisy as well

followed by DERRICK sitting under a tree which i didn saw.

LOL

then jill was like, (pointing at him): 'doesn't that person look familiar?'

and derrick gave me a present.

and finally, they said joan was hidding in the car park and i have to look for her.

then i really did go around the whole carpark la!

but she's not there!

in the end jill covered my eyes and guided me to a place and when she opened my eyes.

i saw my beloved JOAN with another present(:

with a laptop and candles arranged with my name and a heart.

so super duper sweet la!

by then tears already started welding up in my eyes.

and the powerpoint is uber awesome! really saw how much effort my dearest joan put in just for ME!! how sweet.

and to think i actually thought you are sooo mean and don't even remember my birthday

SORRY ):

but i have to say, joan, i think it'll be a waste if you don't go join mediacorp.

your acting skills really not fake de lehs!

haha! i'm totally bluffed by you can?

btw, don't worry, your birthday i'll remember to "forget" also de! lol

oh yah! no forgetting out 2 passer-bys, WEISHEN and DOM

lastly, i was force to stand at the railing there and make a thank you speech.

and of course not forgetting a MUST-HAVE camwhore session!!

so all in all, i really enjoyed myself today!!

thank you all for putting in the effort and coming down specially to celebrate my birthday.

i guess i've said mostly i wanna say through the sms already.

i really mean every word i said there.

this really IS the BEST birthday i ever had.

THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING IT POSSIBLE(:

I LOVE YOU ALL!!

ps: thanks sisters for remembering the stuffs i like and got it for me!

i really love the dress and canele's sweet stuffs!

picnic at my house SOON(:

2008-11-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

wednesday i went to meet my primary school friends like finally!

haha, it was fun meeting them ONCE in awhile.

meeting them too often will make me crazy la

we really laughed like mad at pizza hut

but it's all inside jokes so nothing to share, haha!

but anyway love you guys and sorry to keep you waiting for so long.

(saying it sincerely, lol)

followed by the jokers of the day:

FINALLY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME(: YAY!

2008-11-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

Your fingertips against my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind in my chase

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

I never wanna see you unhappy

I thought you want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartbreak

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

In the shade

And when you left you kissed my lips

You told me you'd never ever forget these images

I’d never wanna see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartbreak

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot try the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gonna and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

I'll make it there easy

You walk right in and out of my life

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

2008-11-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

counting down to 2 days

but for the first time i'm not very excited about it.

in fact, i'm not looking forward to it at all.

why did things turn out to be this way

makes me feel so insignificant so not important so tired about it.

seems like whatever i've done doesn't mean anything to...

or i've not done enough

lately i've learned how to take things by my stride.

or i can't imagine how i would get pass these few days

sometimes it makes me wonder, what exactly are our relationships.

are our names just for fun?

are we just together for the sake of being together?

do we really see each other as what we should be?

how long more will we remember each other?

i'm kinda disappointed but also some sort awoken this past few days

been thinking alot.

2008-11-14T12:36:00.000-08:00

today i went out with jill dearie to town for some shopping!

the christmas exciteness has already filled the air in town

the decorations are awesome!

it's so pretty that made an uncle stop to take a photo in the middle of the road.

can you imagine that? but of course it's green man la

haha

but anyway, it's been ages since i last went to town for no specific reason but just to shop.

and i really enjoyed it, thanks dear!

oh yah! and this time we didn go home empty handed.

i bought a belt, 2 wrislet and ankle boots.

after that we went to taka for dinner at seoul garden.

the ginseng soup with spinich noodles are simple a rightful match! lol

the taste is simple heavenly(don't know if i'm abit too exaggerating, hahaha!)

so this time we didn even finish one plate of meat.

i think our stomach are filled with the noodle and soup ba!

the healthiest meal i ever had at seoul garden. cool

so overall i spent quite alot today but at least i really had a great time(:

let the photos talk:

yummy jelly drink, so old school feel(:

this spells, beary merry christmas!

i wanna go to this super pretty dessert shop at town!!

2008-10-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

alright alright, i'm back to blog now!

and to jill and joan:

i'm not lazy okays! i'm busy studying man. HAHA

18 OCT

i went to the henderson bridge at mount faber there i think.

i was dragged there by my dad la.

but okays la, the scenery there is not bad.

and there's this cute baby monkey clinging onto his/her mum!

super cute la! then when they climb down to the railings, everybody was like omg!

then all take out cameras, phones to take photo of it.

so as a typical singaporean, of course i went forward to take a photo too!

HAHA

oh yah, and this bridge actually has a name.

it's called the henderson wave.

which i think it's so -.- la!

cos the outside of the bridge it has this wave look-a-like structure.

when you are walking on the bridge you can't really see the wave.
but when you drive pass it's quite special la.

20 OCT

today we went to MOF for ice cream again!

cos mummy and daddy love it.

or should i say mummy craves for it. lol

so anyway, after dinner we walked to lot 1 for dessert!

hmmm, today i tried something special instead of my fav the mango sundae.

the red bean soup or i whatever they call it IS NICE!

24 OCT
today i finally went out with darlingZHEN alone.
it's been ages since we last went out together, just the 2 of us.
the feeling is awesome! girls outing(:
we went to search for more gorgeous stocks for MyCherade!
i simple love stock taking! it's like FREE shopping, just take whatever you want!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
*rachel is so gonna kill me when she sees this*
and when you see all those pretty clothes, it'll really make you go gagaga over it.
so i really had a fun time even though our lunch sucks. haha!
it's the worse spagetti i ever ate la.
i think even i can cook better then the auntie there man!
LOL

27 OCT
the night before my history paper.
history is like super boring la! why must germany be so irritating!
do so much dumb stuffs, keep riot then aggitate other ppl then create war.
why can't they be nice? why can't hitler be nicer?!
if they are nicer, then we won't have so much to know and memorise!!
stupid historian people!
so study till halfway, got to find some form of entertainment to keep myself awake
to continue studying. so TADA! this is what kept me awake(:
heesXD!

30th OCT
alright, today after my mathes paper 2.
i went home to wash up and pack the stuffs needed for out photoshoot later!
and before heading to SP, i met yuyuan at lot1 for lunch.
lotsa funny stuffs happen la, we were like laughing all the way since we meet.
but it's all inside jokes so it's kinda tough to explain.
so anyway, it's fun to meet up with people that you don't see everyday.
thanks for making my day!
today is also our first outdoor photoshoot!
so it's quite messy but still FUN and CRAZY!
rachel is like catwalking for the people at T11 la, so funny!
and because the toilet is quite far and rachel lim is very lazy.
so we set up a "MAGIC SHOW" there.
*zhen, you know i know can le*
i'll be nice and not divulge too much of you ugly acts! haha
but overall, the photoshoot was quite a successful one.
the photos are stunning! YAY!

2008-10-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

12thOCT

today i went to town with joanie and jill to watch HOUSE BUNNY!

yay! it's really very funny la! 5stars for that.

it's been quite some time since we had a great laugh at the cinema man.

it's fun hanging out with my sisters!

darlingZHEN couldn't make it as she injured her leg.

poor darling, rest well!

okays, so under joanie's influence we decided to be taitai's for the day.

so we went for a search for good food!

but due to time constrain we went to HK cafe ):

the bo luo bao is nice!

alright, so after dinner we proceed to the movies!

(joanie, next time we will definately try the caramel honey almond popcorn okays!)

however, because we went to town quite late so we didn't manage to go shopping.

as it's already 9.45pm when the movie ended.

as TAITAIs for day, we decided to go for some high class dessert to make up for

the not-so-good dinner.

so we went to N.Y.D.C and chit chatted for awhile before heading home.

overall, today i had a great time!

it's been quite some time since we've really went out together.

some day we must go out again and this time i hope the 5 of us will be present.

felicia, you better be free! haha(:

taken in the cinema, can you see us?

my choice! damn nice! it's really WOW

doesn't it look sinful? heesXD!

that's all for the day! it's nice meeting you, SO NICE! haha, you get it?

2008-10-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

5th OCT

today i accompany xiaoyuan to town for a haircut.

haha! i know it sounds kinda lame.

my mum also thinks so, she said:

"tell xiaoyuan, wanna cut hair go yew tee cut can le la! somemore morning got discounts!"

so cute XD!

but anyway, we still stick to our plan and we head to fareast.

so he got his hair cut at this gay salon.

he claims that his hair stylist is a gay also.

cos he touch his hand when he pay him and he got piercing on his right ear.

which is like so -.-

okays, so after that it's my turn!

i went to add highlight extentions, 3 strands of light blond.

which i kinda regret, cos really become more lian-ish. sian!

after that, that pig complained that he's very hungry le so went to cineleisure for dinner.

after like 15mins, we finally settled down for this jap pasta restaurant.

food was average la, nothing special.

after dinner, we went to heerens to walk walk to search justin's back to school bag

but in the end it's just a frutile trip.

but i did have fun with that broke crapper! haha

a brand new experience(:

justin's so called nice night view from the restuarant

look how zilian he is keep asking me to take photos of him when i only took 1

the finale shot taken while we were shopping in heerens, soooo many pretty hats!